nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
