I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Farmville is her only friend.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
