The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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