I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
