Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
And then he peed in my hair
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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