I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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