I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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