I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
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Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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