i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
