the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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