Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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