I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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