Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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