nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
