he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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