Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she told me i tasted like america
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
