Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
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I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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