Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my being single is dangerous.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I will be naked everywhere
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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