If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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