...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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