i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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