I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
