is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
