I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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