You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
