Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
