Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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