Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
