the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
