I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
