I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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