well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
dude. I can hear the air.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
