We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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