My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize