I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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