i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
