HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
