oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
