Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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