Where did you get a picture of my penis
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I intend to get homeless drunk
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
