My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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