Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
