Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
