the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
