I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My breasts were aching with rage.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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