Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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