Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
