Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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