dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
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The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
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Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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