At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
