She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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