I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
3 2 1 whiskey
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
