I hate all girls vehemently.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
