i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
