Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
