i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
