He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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