you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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