thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
