Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
