If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
