I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
